There once was a man from Rangoon 
               Who was born 9 months too soon. 
                    He didn't have the luck 
                    To be born by a fuck; 
               He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon. 

Said an old lady called Mary Tabott,
"I wish I had teeth in my twat.
For just think" said she,
"how nice it would be
To keep all the pricks that I got." 

                    There was an old harlot of Wick
                            
                    Who was sucking a coal-heaver's prick.
                            She said, "I don't mind
                            The coal dust and grime,
                            
                    But the smell of your balls makes me sick."
                            

               There was a young lady named Astor 
               Who never let any get past her. 
                    She finally got plenty 
                    By stopping twenty, 
               Which certainly ought to last her. 

A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux
Fell in love with a dashing young beau.
To entice his regard
She would squat in his yard
And appealingly piss in the snow.