As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time
excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump 
School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.
He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive."
I asked, "What's the diffrence??"
He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the
weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest
explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few
paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What
landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the
circle god kept.
The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same,
except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest
and the money that landed inside the circle god kept.
The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw the money
into the air and what god wants, god takes." 

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
 
1. No mind
2. No business. 

Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

A little girl asks her father, "where do little girls come from?" 
The father says, "they come from a hard-on." 
The little girl then asks her father, "where does a hard-on come from?" 
The father says, "little girls!"