Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for 
$500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are 
you going to do with the money?" 

"Take jewlery to city and sell it," was the response. 

"What have you got for collateral?" 

"Don't know collateral." 

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of 
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?" 

"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." 

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" 

"Yes, I have a horse." 

"How old is it?" 

"Don't know, has no teeth." 

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several 
weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a 
roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker 
the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" 

"Put in teepee." 

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. 

"Don't know deposit." 

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. 
When you want to use it you can withdraw it." 

The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for 
collateral?"

Q: What does a women do with her ass in the morning???
A: She makes him a sandwich and sends him to work....

Why does the University of Tennesse football
team wear orange to all their Saturday games? 

     So that they can wear the same outfit to go
     hunting on Sunday, and to work on Monday. 

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book
on elephants.

The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the
    British Empire."

The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal
    Account."

The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the
    Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."

The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the
    Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"

Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than
    People"

The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of
    the Soviet Elephant"

And  submited a poem "The Joy and
    Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."

But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but
    wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"

   The day after a man lost his wife in a boating accident, he was
   greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
   
   "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have
   some information about your wife."
   
   "Well, tell me!" the man said.
   
   The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some
   really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
   
   Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
   
   So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we
   found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."
   
   "Oh my god!" said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering
   what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"
   
   "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two
   five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."
   
   "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!" Mr. Wilkens
   demanded.
   
   The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow
   morning."