How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex?

Call her up

   Version 2:
   
   A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her
   bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter
   playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mom.
   
   "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get
   married, so this is pretty much my husband."
   
   The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
   
   The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and
   upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What
   the hell are you doing?!" he asked.
   
   His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old now and
   ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to
   a husband."
   
   The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.
   
   The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in
   one hand and the vibrator sitting next to him, watching the football
   game.
   
   "For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried.
   
   The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a
   beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!"
   

Why did the cactus cross the road?
It was stuck to the dumb chicken


Sent by Robbie

Q. Whats long, hard and full of semen??

A. A submarine.

Sent by sam

How did Bill and Hillary Clinton first meet?

They were both dating the same girl in high school.