Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than
to improving their minds? 

Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEETS WINDOWS95
   Costello: Hey, Abbott!
   Abbot: Yes, Lou?
   Costello: I just got my first computer.
   Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get?
   Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive,
   and a 24X CD-ROM.
   Abbot: That's terrific, Lou.
   Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!
   Abbot: You will in time.
   Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
   Abbot: Oh?
   Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
   Abbot: Well, I don't know-
   Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train
   me.
   Abbot: Really?
   Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
   Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do you want to know?
   Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you
   should be very careful how you turn it off.
   Abbot: That's true.
   Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn
   it off. What do I do?
   Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
   Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
   Abbot: I know, you press the Start button-
   Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to
   start it. So tell me what to do.
   Abbot: I did.
   Costello: When?
   Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.
   Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
   Abbot: To shut off the computer.
   Costello: I press Start to stop.
   Abbot: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
   Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
   Abbot: Start
   Costello: Start what?
   Abbot: Start button.
   Costello: Start button to do what?
   Abbot: Shut down.
   Costello: You don't have to get rude!
   Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
   Costello: Then say what you mean.
   Abbot: To shut down the computer, press-
   Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
   Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?
   Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to
   press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but
   no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
   Abbot: But that's what you do.
   Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
   Abbot: Don't be ridiculous.
   Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we
   started this conversation.
   Abbot: What are you talking about?
   Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls
have fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for old
times' sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture,
he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of
the old bulls starts to paw the ground and snort. The other asks,
"Why are you doing that?"
The old bull answers, "I don't want him to think I'm one of these cows!"

It is time to elect a world leader and your vote counts.
Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.
Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consults
with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He chain
smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleeps
until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of
brandy every evening.
Candidate C: is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had
any illicit affairs.
Which of these candidates is your choice??


Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler


Sent by Marina

Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in 
one tent while the wives used the other.
At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, "Wow, 
unbelievable!"
Which woke Ed.
"What's going on?" said Ed.
"I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife." said Ted.
"How come?" said Ed.
"To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my
life!" said Ted
After a pause, Ed said, "Do you want me to come with you?"
"Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?" said Ted.
"Because that's my dick you're holding," said Ed.