Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband's penis. She was driving down 
the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to 
toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car 
travelling in the opposite direction.
"Shit," said the driver to his passenger. "What kind of bug was that?"
"Dunno," he replied. "But did you see the size of the cock on it?!"

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the
driver--"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

What's the difference between a computer and a blonde? 

The computer is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on. 

Why does the new Polish Navy have glass bottomed boats?

So they can see the old Polish Navy! 

A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he
said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbour said, "Who do
you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such
animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he
pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me,
never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in
America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten
times."
"Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for
just five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all
his lies."