How do you know if your secretary’s having a bad day?

Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil 

What is the last thing Jesus Christ said to the Teamsters?

"Don't do anything 'till I get back." 

You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant.  
Guess what?  His penis rejected it!

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son 
riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where did you get the 
money for the bike? It must have cost $300." 

"Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking." 

"Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth." 

"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, 
Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see 
Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was felling every time a 
bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and 
sees that  indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by. 
"OK, I am gonna see what is going on,  just close the door behind me" and 
he stepps into the closet. At  that time the husband comes from work, 
opens the closet and finds the repairman. 
Husband:  "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman:"Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a 
bus!"

Sent by Ser