A little kid comes running into the backyard.
   
   He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"
   
   "Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."
   

Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to 
their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, "Honey, I 
want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go." "Good 
idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some 
Dramamine."

The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the 
clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, 
please."

"Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a 
question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"

Why do they call it PMS?

Mad Cow disease was already taken.

A divorced woman had been on her own for several months and was
starting to get extremely horny. She went to the grocery store and while 
there starting eyeing the bag boy. On the way out to the car she decided to 
make her move. Leaning over to the boy she whispered," You know, I've 
got and itchy pussy...." 

The boy replied, "Well you're gonna have to point it out, ma'am, all 
those Japanese cars look alike to me!"

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking
a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is
frowning and looking put out.

The egg mutters to no one in particular,
"I guess we answered that question."