Two gay men were in bed fooling around when all of a
sudden the door bell rings. The first gay man tells
the second, "Don't cum until I come back", and he
rushes off to answer the door.
After a few minutes, he eagerly returns to the bedroom
only to find cum was all over the bed and sheets. He
says to the second gay man, "I thought you wasn't going
to cum until I came back. The second gay man says to the
first, "I didn't cum, ........I farted!

Sent by Ken "C"

Mirror, mirror

   A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her
   bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully
   says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four".
   Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to
   enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has
   happened, and in minutes they both return.
   This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: "Mirror mirror on
   the door, make my "manhood" touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright
   flash and both his legs fall off.

    Embarrassing moments The following are the top three
   winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest in New Woman Magazine.

   1)"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
   release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
   hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
   patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*,
   she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said
   in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I
   will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
   "The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
   tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my
   dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last
   thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter"
   * Amy Richardson; Stafford,Virginia
   2)"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home,
   but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my
   girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. "As we lay in bed after
   making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my
   girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we
   didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When
   we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a
   whole crowd of people yelled, 'SURPRISE!' My entire family - aunts,
   uncles, Grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there!
   My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment
   for what seemed like an eternity. "Since then, no one in my family has
   planned a surprise party again." * Tim Cahill; Poughkeepsie, New York
   3)A lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she
   finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had
   no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the
   intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON
   LANE THIRTEEN,TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at
   the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "tampax" for
   "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
   intercom: "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE
   KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

It's Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas 
Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off 
so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand 
of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands back with Paddy to 
look at it. "Well, Paddy, What do you think?"
"Sorry, Shaun, this tree won't do. Let's try another one". They come upon 
another nice tree, Shaun brushes it off, and they both look at it. "How 
about this one, Paddy?" "Not quite, Shaun. Let's keep looking".
This goes on until nightfall. Both Paddy and Shaun are cold, tired, and 
hungry. "Well, Paddy, what do we do now?" "Shaun, I think we should take 
home the next tree we find, whether it has lights on it or not..."

A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money. 
On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five 
fingers.
"Oh darling!" she squeals with delight, Does that mean five times?"
"No", says the old fellow, "it means that you can pick one out."