For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his 
wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they 
return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting 
for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, "This was 
the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th 
anniversary. I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for our 
50th anniversary!" Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the 
cheek, and said, "I'm going to come back and get you"

Sent by Scott

When I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly)
some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier.  These two guys made
up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender,
and filled a hot water bottle with it.  One of them took the hot water
bottle, taped it to his stomach inside of his shirt and put a short
piece of hose into the top so that it came up to the front of his shirt
collar, but not visible.  They both went to a local pub and sat at the
bar, acting already slightly intoxicated.  After having a couple of beers
the guy with the hot water bottle says that he is feeling sick a couple
of times and "barfs" VERY loudly all over the bar to attract attention.
Naturally this causes the patrons to move away from him, all except his
buddy, who calmy pulls a fork out of his coat pocket and begins EATING
the stuff. ;-)  I don't know how true it is, but I'd love to have been
there watching faces if it was...

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen 
   donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

More gay banter...

Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they started
discussing them.The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned
a factory, manufacturing furniture.  Why, just the other day he gave his
best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.

The second man said his son was doing just as well.He was a manager at a 
car sales firm.  Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

The third man said his was doing well too.He was a manager at a bank.
Why,just the other day he gave his best friend a the money to buy a house.

The fourth man just shook his head.  He said his son was gay and hadn't 
amounted to much.But he must be doing something right because,
just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari 
by his friends!

So the elephant says to the naked man . . .

"You breathe through that little thing?"