Karen was telling me that her to-be-ex, a police officer, asked
the judge to please remind her to re-register a gun he'd given
her in her name.  "You see, your honor, to buy it, I had to 
register it in my name."  The judge said, "Why's this so impor-
tant?"  "Because, Your Honor, I don't want to be shot with 'my 
own gun'."  The judge had to hold a piece of paper in front of his 
face to hide his laughter.

If any of you guys out there have ever thought you have balls,
forget about it. This is a true story that just happened at a
wedding at Clemson.
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the
wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the
microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to
thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support
them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the
bride's and groom's families for coming.
To thank everyone for coming and bring gifts and everything, he
said he wanted to give everyone a gift from him.So taped to the
bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope. He said that
was his gift to everyone, and told them to open it.
Inside the manilla envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man
having sex with the bride. (He must have gotten suspicious of the
two of them and hired a private detective to trail them.) After
he stood there and watched people's reactions for a couple of
minutes, he turned to the best man and said Screw You, he turned
to the bride and said Screw You, and then said I'm out of here.
He got the marriage annulled the next day.
While most of us would have broken it off immediately after we
found out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway.
His revenge: making the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest wedding
and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and
trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of
friends, family, grandparents, etc.

This is his world, we just live in it.

Government as Usual:

The White House freed $250 million to promote a new sex
education program. "It teaches marital fidelity," says Argus
Hamilton. "It sure gets expensive when Bill Clinton and
Dick Morris start theorizing."