I'd locked myself out of my car.  I watched the locksmith
work with that wire that slides under the window and then
pushes up the lock.  I asked him, 'that goes under the
window, huh?  What do you do if the window is down?'
I swear, sometimes I embarrass myself.

The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the plague. 
Infected people with  the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring 
around the rosey"), these sores would smell very badly so common folks 
would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously), so that
it would cover the smell of the sores ("a pocket full of posies").   
Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to 
reduce the possible spread of the disease ("ashes, ashes, we all fall 
down").

Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday.  While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo)  with a
group of thespians from St.  Petersburg, Russia, Demuth went overboard to
show them one of America's many marvels.  He demonstrated the 
effectiveness of "Crazy Glue"  ...  the hard way.

Apparently, Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was, 
so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and
jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.

The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its
arrival as a baby.  However, once it became aware of its being 
involuntarily stuck to Demuth, it began to panic and ran around the 
petting area wildly making Demuth an unintended passenger.

"Sally (the rhino)  hasn't been feeling well lately.  She had been very
constipated.  We had just given her a laxative and some depressants to 
relax her bowels, when Demuth played his juvenile prank,"  said James 
Douglass, caretaker.

During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored, 
and a number of small animals escaped.  Also, during the stampede, three 
pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death.  As for Demuth, it took a 
team of medics and zoo caretakers over four hours to remove his hands from 
the rhino's buttocks.

First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down.  However, during 
this process the laxatives began to take hold and Demuth was repeatedly 
showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.

"It was tricky.  We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield 
our faces from being pelted with rhino dung.  I guess you could say that 
Demuth was into it up to his neck.

Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels working to 
keep an air passage open for Mr.  Demuth.  We were able to tranquilize her 
and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear,"  said Douglass.  
"I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while."

Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed with
the power of the adhesive.  "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of
course they can't take it to the zoo,"  commented Vladimir Zolnikov, 
leader of the troupe.