A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather
coconuts from trees demonstrated a pressing need for
a refresher course when it leapt onto the shoulders
of a passer-by in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist
his head off. The passer-by was treated at a local
hospital for a sprained neck.

On a bumper sticker:

     Keep honking, I'm reloading. 

Jon John, the world's worst basketball player,
was arrested and charged with brawling in a
public place. He pleaded guilty and threw himself
at the mercy of the court.... and missed.