Read this in a classified ad: 

     "Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts."

I had to go through a needle location biopsy recently.
This involves putting a 6 inch needle through a most sensitive
part of a woman's anatomy.  I had to sit there alone with
this thing pierced through my anatomy and I wondered, "Is
this how a whale feels?"  It occured to me, "I'm big, I'm 
white, I'm gay, and I have been harpooned!  That must make
me Moby Dyke!" My friends now call me "MD".

A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery,
and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head -- and realized
that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.