Definition of Stress: The confusion created when one's mind
       overrides the body's desire to beat or choke the living shit out
       of some asshole who desperately needs it.

When I was a kid, my favourite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school 
we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in awhile he would eat one 
of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. 

-- Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe 

"... beyond a shadow of a doubt... who has seen doubt cast a shadow? Bull
 elephant seals cast shadows... beyond the shadow of a bull elephant seal..."
                        -- Flacco, DAAS Kapital

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you
       think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? (1)
       Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President.
       (3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. -- David
       Letterman

"If a man does his best, what else is there?" 
General George S. Patton (1885-1945)