A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.

     - Morey Amsterdam 

Seen on a bumper sticker...

    Cover me. I'm changing lanes. 

"The reigning Miss Canada has been arrested for
punching out another woman in a bar fight...Quite
frankly, I think it's refreshing to finally find
one beauty pageant winner who is against world peace." 

    - Jay Leno 

"From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed
 with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
                        -- Groucho Marx, from "The Book of Insults"

"If your mind changes itself fast enough, the result is vertigo." 

    - Jim Harrison