Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

    - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 

With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand
   miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and
   still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no
   such thing as progress.
   -- Ransom K. Ferm

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Unknown

I'm so hyper...  (Said with a very dull voice.)

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. 

    -- Mark Twain