Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer,
it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and
receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and
generally have a blast without doing anything remotely
related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits
that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to
talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by
your boss -and you *will* get caught - your best defence is
to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus
saving valuable training dollars.

One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his
warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says "Big
Chief, no shit". the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief
should be fine tomorrow.

The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. the next morning
the warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no 
shit". the doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the 
chief.

The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet again
saying "big chief, no shit". the doctor gets annoyed and so gives the
warrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.

The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor (AGAIN):

"Big shit, no chief".

The huge black dude was getting ready for the electric chair -
he had been found guilty of rape and murder.  The witnesses to
the execution were astonished when the prisoner's pant leg was
cut and a tiny electrode was prepared to be placed on his penis.
"Hey don't look so surprised" the condemned man said.
"Yours would shrink and shrivel up too it you were about to be zapped!"

Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ?
A. Sheep.

What do you call a gay bar that has no chairs?

- A fruit stand.