Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and
pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when
in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to
understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes 
flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his 
head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to 
the front door and starts pounding on it. 

An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to 
knock so loudly.

The passerby asks, "Who's in your upstairs room?"

The elderly man replies, "I can't see how it's any of your 
business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended 
son-in-law are upstairs."

The passerby hands him the used condom and says, "Well, I 
just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out 
the window!"

Good News, Bad News, Worse News II

Good: 
        Your son studies a lot in his room
   Bad: 
        You find several porn movies hidden there
 Worse: 
        You're in them

Three Things Women Can Do That Men Can't:
1.  Bleed for a week and not die.
2.  Give milk without eating grass



3.  Bury an eight inch bone faster than any dog!