Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. 

"You know, it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in 
heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." 
Susie, still crying, said "What would God want with a dead dog?"

What do you call a brunette between two blondes?

Translator.

    She said, "Kiss me doctor!" 

    Doctor said, "I can't as we doctors have an ethics 
    standard that does not allow us to kiss our patients, 
    in fact, I really shouldn't be fucking you."

This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker 
says, "Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big 
way down here in Texas."
"Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She 
takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled 
out of one?"
The guy says, "No, just the first one I've seen big enough to 
crawl back into."

What do a moped and a blonde have in common?

     They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.