What is the similarity between a woman and a washing machine? 

     They both leak when they're fucked! 

An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles
into a Podiatrist's office instead and weaves over to the
receptionist.
Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination
bed and says, "Stick it through that curtain."
Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out his
penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains.
"That's not a foot!" screams the nurse on duty.
"Holy shit, lady!" the drunk exclaims, "I never knew you had
a minimum!"

   A negro was travelling in china. In a remote village, he came upon an
   elderly chinaman
   skipping stones across a lake. At each bounce of the stone off the
   water, the mountains
   surrounding the lake echoed back, "CHING...CHANG...CHUN..."
   The negro was amazed. He asked the chinaman what was going on.
   "Oh", said the chinee, "magic spirit of the lake echo back the names
   of your ancient
   ancestors as your stone skip upon the sacred waters".
   "Wow", said the negro, "can I try it?".
   "Certainly", replied the chinaman.
   The negro picked up the biggest stone he could find, and gave it a
   mighty heave across the
   waters...and as it skipped across the waters, the mountains echoed
   back
   "CHIM...PAN...ZEE...."
   

Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot ?
A. Because you couldn't get that much shit into a shoe.

What does Bill say to prospective interns?

"Haven't I cum across your face before?"