How do you give a cowboy a hard-on?

Moooo-ooo-ooo 

O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when 
he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet 
running down his leg.
"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"

The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort
   in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy
   their two week vacation/honeymoon.
   
   The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hi
   Jimmy, how ya been lover ? Long time no see."
   
   A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Once
   inside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman ?!?!?"
   
   The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please ! I'm
   going to have enuff trouble explaining you to her."

A man went to his dentist because he feels something
wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is
eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all
I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made
some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put
it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollindaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is
highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make
you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why
chrome?" asks the patient. 

To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like
chrome for the Hollandaise!"

A popular whore house was visited by a lesbian. The lesbian requested a 15 
year old, and the madam replied
"I'm sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers."