I don't think this whole White House scandal is good for 
parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie, and he 
said we could discuss it tonight in a "National Town Meeting." 

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the most important and I
should be in charge."

The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick
anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important
and I should be in charge."

The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy for
the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to move
anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in
charge."

Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge."

All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't do
anything!  You're not important! You can't be in charge."

So the rectum closed up.  After a few days, the legs were all
wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky,
the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy.

They all agreed that they couldn't take any more of this and
agreed to put the rectum in charge.

Today's lesson: You don't have to be the most important to be
in charge, just an a - - hole.

What sits at the bottom of the bed and constantly takes the piss???

A kidney dialysis machine!

Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi's and 
coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the 
other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the
bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and 
asks her why she is drinking one Barcardi and coke and throwing the other 
one down her panties. She replies, "I just won the lottery and that's the
only cunt getting a drink out of me tonight!" 

   A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the
   checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "Your husband is
   suffering from severe, long-term stress and it's affecting his
   cardiovascular system. He's a good candidate for either a heart attack
   or a stroke. If you don't do the following four things, your husband
   will surely die".
   
   "First, each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to
   work in a good mood."
   
   "Second, at lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him
   in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work."
   
   "Third, for dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him
   with household chores."
   
   "Fourth, and most important for invigorating him and relieving stress,
   have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim in
   bed."
   
   On the way home in the car, the husband turned to his wife and asked,
   "So, I saw the doctor talking to you and he sure seemed serious. What
   did he tell you?"
   
   "You're going to die," she replied.