I was a less than serious student in college. If I had it to do over again, 
I would be far more serious. I did play a lot of golf. But I don't think that's
any reflection on my ability to lead this nation. 
    -- Vice President Dan Quayle 

Basically, I think there is some device the telco puts on the phone that
 ensures that whoever is on the other end of a service call is always
 a drooling moron with the IQ of a potted plant."
                        -- The alt.sysadmin.recovery FAQ

"Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle but the cow has failed on it's first
 attempt at the moon landing!!... that's one small step for a cow, one giant
 leap for the beef industry..."
                        -- Flacco, DAAS Kapital

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be
watching television by candlelight."
 
George Gobal.

   My wife knows how to make my long stories short --
   She interrupts