For every human problem there is a solution which is simple, neat and wrong.

    - H. L. Mencken 

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words
"large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area
altogether. Trust me. 

    - Tim Allen

"I'll never get into a car that doesn't match my hat!"

                                                --Zsa Zsa Gabor 

A diplomat is a person who thinks twice before he says
nothing.

Frederick Sawyer

"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."

                                             -- Rodney Dangerfield