A mother may hope that her daughter will get
a better husband than she did
but she knows her son will never get
as good a wife as his father did.

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." 

     - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks 

On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler, I
   don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler
   replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the
   University will allow me to award."

"Did you ever get to thinking that maybe you are just an android, placed
 on Earth by an advanced civilization of huge radish-like aliens who are
 studying your every move?"
"No."
"Me neither."
                        -- Dogbert, Dilbert, Dogbert

I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with
       urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!