"Most people have read The Hobbit, picked up Lord of the Rings and have gone
 'Ugggh... if I have to read one more three-page description of a tree...'"
                        -- Unknown, via Bruce

"He that lives in hope danceth without music." 
  
                                       -- George Herbert

Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home.
He probably lies about other things too. 

"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day.
At my age I have to hold on to something." 

George Burns.

"I feel schizophrenic; first he says 'open your mouth,' then he says 'keep 
it closed.'" 

     - Monica Lewinski