To the tune of 'Yesterday':

Leprocy, bits and pieces falling off of me,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Oh I contracted Leprocy.

                    There once was a man from Dundee
                            
                    Who was fucking an ape in a tree.
                            The results were most horrid:
                            All ass and no forehead,
                            
                    Three balls and a purple goatee!

Should a fellow discover some night 
               A girl's body in bed, it's all right. 
                    He should think it good luck, 
                    And accept the free fuck--- 
               He will bugger her too, if he's bright. 

There was a young lass from Hoboken 
            Who said that her hymen was broken 
                From riding a bike, 
                on a cobble stone pike. 
            In truth, it was broken from pokin'. 

"Can't you see where this is all leading,
This nightmare of selective breeding ?"
He spat on the ground
And then turned around
And continued on with his weeding.