A nymphomaniacal nurse 
            With a curse that was worse than perverse 
                Stuck a rotary drill 
                Up her twat, for a thrill--- 
            And they carted her off in a hearse. 

There was a young lady from Brussels 
            Who was proud of her vaginal muscles. 
                She could easily plex them 
                And so interflex them 
            As to whistle love songs through her bustles.

There once was a vampire named Mable
Who's periods were very unstable
By the light of the moon 
She whipped out a spoon
And drank herself under the table

Sent by Matt

NET FRUSTRATION

I've been sat here hours,
my eyes are feeling sore,
I'm staying up all night,
because I'm looking to score.

The Net causes frustration,
because I can't get sex for free,
I search and search for hours,
but I need a credit card to see.

I bought myself a web cam,
so I can chat and play,
but I don't see any ladies,
so I wish that I was gay.

Is there anyone out there,
who is as lonely as me?
staring at my screen,
I wish that I could see

Hang on - who is this?
It is a female figure,
she looks like my Grandma,
but my Grandma is slimmer.

She says her name is Helga,
so I ask about the weather,
but she thinks I'm a bore,
because I'm not into leather.

I start to look for more,
by now, I know the score,
but Sarah B won't answer
and Lisa X is busy.

But wait - I must be dreaming,
I see a blonde lady,
I smile at her picture
and she smiles back at me.

She speaks, but I can't hear,
She hears but now can't see,
I think my PC's broken,
Why does this happen to me?

She is looking puzzled
and I can't seem to fix it
but I can't wait to start,
I guess I'll have to risk it.

I think I am in love,
I hope she feels the same,
Oh, damn my PC's crashed !
But boy, how I just came !


Sent by ANON

Fuck me quick, fuck me deep, fuck me oft
In the bog, in the bath, in the loft;
Up my ass, up my quim.
Knees, armpits, lip rim
With your prick...but *please*...nothing soft.