A man goes to his bank manager and says "I'd like to start a small 
business how do I go about it?"
The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and 
replies "Buy a big one and wait" 

One day a boy asks his dad,
"What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?" 
Dad thought for a minute and said, "Come with me."
He took his son to his mother's bedroom, where she
was sleeping nude. "Son," he whispered, "see that
brown soft furry patch? That is a pussy." 
The boy asked, "May I touch it to see how soft and
furry it is?" 
"No!" replied his father. "That might wake up the cunt." 

The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their
   dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband
   had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed
   to the wife that it always took him way too long to return.
   
   One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall
   between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned,
   only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's
   door and just kept ringing the bell.
   
   When the model answered, the wife fumed,"I would like to know why it
   is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."
   
   "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't
   helping none either."

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: More to the point, what was she doing outside of the kitchen?

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip,
this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.
Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy
onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his
pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30
minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking
and quivering. 

     'Are you OK, sir?' asked the stew? 
     'Yes, I'm fine.' said the man. 
     Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and
     shaking again.. 
     'Are you sure you're alright sir?' 
     'Yes.' said the man, 'but I have a confession to make.
     I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring
     a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.' 
     'Whats wrong?' asked the stew, 'Is he not house broken?' 
     'No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!'