What do you call a man with his right hand in a sharks mouth?

Lefty. 

How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much?
Ya put yer thumb in her ass, AND yer middle-finger in her cunt...
Now, if ya can SNAP yer fingers, ya know she's been fucking too much..

The Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods hunting 
together when suddenly a voluptuous blonde girl raced across 
their path, totally nude. "Would I love to eat that? Oui, oui!" the 
Frenchman said, smacking his lips.

So the Italian shot her.

What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale?

A white one starts off with "Once upon a time...".
A black one starts off with "Yo ass ain't gonna believe dis shit..." 

On their wedding night the husband was so self - conscious 
about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he 
snapped off the light. Once he was in bed, he unzipped his 
pants and handed his member to his bride.

"That's thoughtful, darling," she cooed, "but we'll need the light 
if you want to write thank-you notes ."