A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn
out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his
apartment. 
He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the
other. He realizes that the first one might get bored
watching, so he her asks what she'd like to do. 
She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love
to play your trombone." 
So she plays it while he screws her sister. 
A few weeks later, the girls are walking past the guy's
apartment building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop
up and see that guy." 
The other girl says, "Gee...do you think he'd remember us?" 

A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her
cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea
sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and
headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided
with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't
have a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out a
shriek. Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly.
"Don't let it bother you, miss," he moaned. "I'll never
live to tell anyone." 

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the
middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the
delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern
and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the
lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern,
lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The Scot scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do
ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

   There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The
   woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they
   couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny.
   
   The husband then donated some of his skin..... however, the only place
   suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks.
   
   The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all
   this was a very delicate matter!
   
   After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
   new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All
   her friends and relatives just raved about her youthful beauty!
   
   She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for
   what he had done. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
   everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!"
   
   He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every
   time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"
   

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then 
when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and 
have his shoes.