On our last vacation, my wife and I saved some money by staying in
a cheap hotel. Just as we were falling asleep, we heard the sounds
of mattress springs and a banging headboard from the next room.

At first we were amused by the amorous couple.
After five minutes it had lost its charm.
After ten minutes we were getting pretty annoyed, in that it was
keeping us awake.
After fifteen minutes, we were just plain ticked off.

After half an hour we were pretty damned impressed. 

In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, Calif.,
as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the large flashlight he had
placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) crammed against the
base of his skull as he hit the floor. 

Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
   he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
   some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
   his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
   would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor
   store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
   videotape.