Did you hear about the disaster at a major U.S. University? 

The scientists were cloning monkeys and one of them blew up. 
The scientist are trying to determine what went wrong by sifting 
through the Rhesus' pieces.

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
his insurance company.The company, suspecting negligence, sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out
and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

[AP, Arkansas] A woman named Linda went to
   Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while
   there, went to a store. She parked next to a car
   with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and
   hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When
   Linda came out a while later, she again saw the
   woman, her hands still behind her head but with
   her eyes open. The woman looked very strange, so
   Linda tapped on the window and said "Are you
   okay?" The woman answered "I've been shot in the
   head, and I am holding my brains in." Linda didn't
   know what to do; so she ran into the store where
   store officials called the paramedics. They had to
   break into the car because the door was locked.
   When they got in, they found that the woman had
   bread dough on the back of her head and in her
   hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded,
   apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud
   explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in
   the head. When she reached back to find what it
   was, she felt the dough and thought it was her
   brains. She passed out from fright at first, then
   attempted to hold her brains in!