"In Russia we only had two TV channels.
Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two
consisted of a KGB officer telling you:
Turn back at once to Channel One." 

Yakov Smirnoff. 

"Are you seriously asking or are you just being a dick?"
                        -- Dave Arthur to Gerrit Riessen

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do
   nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
         Fred Allen

Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.

There is nothing so irritating as somebody with less
intelligence and more sense than we have.

        --Don Herold