"Minds are like parachutes, they only function when they're open."
                        -- Bumper sticker

* Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

"Whip me! Beat me! Make me light and fluffy!"
                        -- Ben Salmon

"'Son I am able' she said 'though you scare me', 'Watch' said I, 'Beloved' I
 said 'Watch me scare you', 'Though' said she 'able am I son'..."
                        -- They Might Be Giants, "I Palindrome I"

"You have to take a lighter approach now.  Jumping up on a table in a busy
 restaurant, swinging from the ceiling fans, and screaming, 'YOU'RE ALL GONNA
 BURN IN HELL,' just scares people away."
                        -- Interview with Steven Forker, on his future role
                           as the Third Coming of Christ, in Precious the
                           Cow Magazine (from the sig of Lt. Wilkes)