"I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender."
                        -- Unknown

"Big Bird meets Salvador Dali has been brought to you by the numbers L and
 ), and by the letter 3."
                        -- D. J. Green

"Satan is my sad... pathetic... knob."
                        -- Alasdair McLellan

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
       shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain." -- Mark
       Twain (1835-1910)

If the President were a woman, this scandal never
would have happened, because women
always keep a box of kleenex on their desks. 

    - Patrice North-Rudin