My wife, when I traveled away, 
               Made sly extramarital hay, 
                    And partied for hours 
                    With chosen endowers, 
               And often came back the next day. 

                    A sweet young strip dancer named Jane
                            
                    Wore five inches of thin cellophane.
                            When asked why she wore it
                            She said, "I abhor it,
                            
                    But my juices would spatter like rain,"
                            

A shiftless young fellow of Kent 
               Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent. 
                    But as she grew older, 
                    The landlord grew colder, 
               And now they live out in a tent. 

There once was a baker of Nottingham,
Who in making eclairs would put snot in 'em.
When he ran out of snot,
He would, like as not,
Take his pecker and jack off a shot in 'em.

There once was a gangster named Brown,
The wiliest bastard in town.
He was caught by the G-men
Shooting his semen
Where the cops would all slip and fall down.