A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious
to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his
office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone
and spoke into it," I am sorry, but my workload is so tremendous
that I am not going to be able to look into your problem for at
least a month. I shall have to get back to you then." He then turned
to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for
you?" "Nothing," replied the man. "I am here to hook up your phone."

What is the smartest blonde?

A golden retriever

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him know
how little you think of his evil!"
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I
ought to aggravate anybody!"

What is the last thing Jesus Christ said to the Teamsters?

"Don't do anything 'till I get back." 

   If you are unsure of what "shagging" means, [1]this list may help. LD
   
   A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all
   he visits a Cornish farmer.
   
   "So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"
   
   "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie
   boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."
   
   "That's very interesting," replies the researcher and he leaves the
   Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midlands Farmer.
   
   "So, Midlands farmer, how do you shag your Sheep?"
   
   "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie
   boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."
   
   "That's very interesting," replies the researcher. "That's how they do
   it in Cornwall too." And he leaves the Midlands farmer. Then he meets
   a farmer from Abergaveny.
   
   "So, Abergaveny farmer, how do you shag your Sheep?" "Well, I take the
   hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the
   front legs of the sheep and put them over my shoulders."
   
   "Over your shoulders?" replies the researcher. "Don't you put them
   over a wall like everyone else?"
   
   "What?" says the farmer. "And miss out on all the kissing?!"