How many Poles does it take to screw in a light bulb? 

    I don't know. I havn't find one that could do it yet. 

A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if 
she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asks.
"About as hard as my dick." he replies. "Ok, then pour me some!"

A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a
good-looking girl comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver and
cheese in a sentence can have me". So the white guy says
"I love liver and cheese." she says "that's not good enough." 
The black says "I hate liver and cheese", and she says "that's not
creative", and then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine."

   In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or
   legs called Philip. Johnny knocks at the door of Philip's house and
   asks if Philip can come out to play soldiers.
   
   "Johnny, you know full well that Philip hasn't got any arms or legs"
   says his mother.
   
   "Yeah, I know that," says Johnny - "I was going to use him as a
   sandbag."
   

The usual scene. A Doctor says to a patient, "Well, I've got good news
   and bad news."
   
   The patient asks for the bad news and the doctor tells him that he has
   just three weeks to live.
   
   "Three weeks! That's terrible. I'll be dead in three weeks! What's the
   good news."
   
   Doctor says, "See my huge breasted receptionist? Well, I'm fucking
   her!"