What's the difference between a bull and a cow?

A bull smiles when you milk it.

This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a
sign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."  "Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How in
the world does that fit in here?"

So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting
in the corner.  The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place
get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers "Is name of owner."

The visitor asks "Well, who is the owner?"

"I am he," answers the old man.

"You?  How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, I
was standing in line at Documentation Center.  Man in front of me
was big blonde Swede.  Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He
say, " Hans Olaffsen."  She look at me say, "What your name?"  I say,
"Sam Ting."

What do you see when you look into a blondes eyes?

The back of her head.

    A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant
   for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him
   think you are a pauper." Then he asked his lawyer the same question,
   but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear
   your most elegant suit and tie." Confused, the man went to his rabbi,
   told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of
   the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman,
   about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding
   night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to
   your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting
   advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V-neck right down to
   your navel. The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my
   problem with the IRS?" "No matter what you wear, you are going to get
   screwed."

The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue.
"Can I see your license and registration, bub?", the cop inquired.

"But officer," the fellow started, "I can explain..."

"Shut yer trap, bub!" snapped the officer. "You're going downtown
and sit a while till the sarge gets back."

"But, officer, I think you really should know..."

"And I said to shut yer trap! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the sarge is at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," shot back the sap in the cell. "I'm the groom."