How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?

Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.

What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?

Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?

The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out

The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and he
overheard one terrified recruit whisper, "Master Chief Barnes
has the heart of a tiny child . . . on his desk . . . in a jar."

Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, 
"Goddamned if they don't find out EVERY little thing about
you!"

What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?

The wrong answer.