Why are guys faster than girls? 

They have a stick shift and ball bearings.

Name something a duck can do, that a doctor won't.

Stick his bill up his ass.

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford
a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him
that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. 

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. 
The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light 
it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. 

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting 
a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." 

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about 
to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. 
This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer
can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. 

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb 
and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. 
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and 
resumed counting on his other hand... 

    Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old
   woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks
   often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.

How many body builders does it take to change a light bulb?

Nine. One to screw in the bulb while the other 8 hold up the mirrors.