How do you re-sleeve a prostitue? 

     - Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out. 

Why is "red" the colour of the University of Georgia?

Because they can't spell "crimson" or "scarlet". 

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little 
sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't 
realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to 
investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...

"Now she knows."

A certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he
was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor,
and the doctor said, "All right, let's check you out. You sit down here
on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and read
that chart on the wall over there."
   He puts his left hand over his left eye. The doctor says, "No, no,
no. Put your right hand over your right eye."
   This old person puts both hands over both eyes. The doctor is now
getting upset. The patient continues to screw up, and the doctor
really gets mad and says, "All right, I'll fix you!" He gets a paper
bag out of the closet, puts one hole in it, puts it over his head, and
says, "Now, read that chart!" The guy read it perfect!
   The doctor takes the bag off, and this old person starts crying
like a baby. The doctor says, "Now, what the hell is wrong with you?"
   "Well, when I first came in here, I had my heart set on wire frames!"

As a result of an internal investigation, one of the Duty Officer's 
stunning, blonde staffers was transferred to an obscure base in 
Utah.

The woman reported to her new Commanding Officer and 
handed him her orders. He glanced at them and said, "Well 
Private, your duties here will be pretty much the same as your 
last assignment."

The girl sighed and said, "Yes Sir. I kind-of figured that. Will it 
be OK if I drape my uniform over this chair?"