What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink....he notices that
at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever
seen....he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have
her....He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any
Spanish-fly in the back....the bartender says he will check and comes
back a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder....he
says to the man..."this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that....but
this is just as good....this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to get
her over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!" so the man
forks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into a
champagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his
compliments.....

The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero rather
disinterestedly.....but about twenty minutes later she slinks off her
barstool....she saunters across the room toward our hero in a most
seductive manner....oozing sensuality....our hero is terrifically
excited....she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his shoulders
and leans in close to his ear...he can feel her breath on his
neck....and she whispers "Hey big boy....want to go shopping?"

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a 
rectal thermometer?

The taste.

   This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in
   each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He
   has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.
   
   The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about
   the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the
   ducks.
   
   They chat for about 30 minutes before the bloke with the ducks has to
   go to the rest room. The ducks are left on the Bar.
   
   The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence.
   The bartender decides to try to make some conversation.
   
   "What's your name?" He says to the first duck. "Huey" said the duck.
   
   "How's your day been?"
   
   "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day."
   "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender.
   
   Then he says to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?"
   
   "Dewey" came the answer.
   
   "So how's your day been?"
   
   "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If
   I had the chance another day I would do the same again."
   
   So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be
   Louie"
   
   "No", growls the 3rd duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my
   fucking day!"
   

What goes "click click, Is that it?, click click, Is that it?" 

     Steveie Wonder doing a rubik's cube