A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the
Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about
the way of life there.

REPORTER: 

     Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering
     material for a documentary about the way of life in the
     remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an
     interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you? 

SCOTSMAN: 

     Certainly... 

REPORTER: 

     Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name? 

SCOTSMAN: 

     Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round
     here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't.

     You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I
     built more than half of them myself, but do they call me
     Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't.

     And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made
     several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No,
     they don't.

     But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep .... 

Just before takeoff one day, a flight attendant approached Muhammad Ali 
and asked that he fasten his seat belt. "Superman don't need no seat 
belt," Ali growled. "Well, Superman," the stewardess replied, "don't need 
no airplane!"

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as
hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees
in a day.His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe
his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working
fine.

The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, "What's that noise?"

What do you do when a Blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.