Zoo sperm bank worker Mohd. Binatang bin Goncang wins "Worst Job in
Singapore".

Wildlife Reserves Singapore (WRS), which runs the Singapore Zoo,has set
up a bank of sperm and animal tissue in order to help preserve species.

The thankless task of collecting the sperm falls to Mr.  Binatang's,
starting his rounds at 4 a.m. "We start so early in the morning because
a lot of the animals have 'morning glory' when they wake up, and it's
easier to collect the sperm.

Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler box filled with ice and
tupperware, Mr. Binatang, 25, told us that he'd just graduated from
Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in life sciences. He liked nature
and animals, and thought that the Singapore Zoo would be the perfect
place to work.

"I never thought I'd be giving an orang-utan a hand job every morning,"
he said somewhat ruefully. "And he is the worst, he expects to be kissed 
first. "As we approached the orang-utan enclosure, we saw the Zoo's most 
famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his head, and
sporting a huge erection.

Applying the massage oil onto his gloves, he lingered outside the
enclosure before entering and knelt before the orange beast. About 2
minutes' worth of squelching noises could be heard before Mr.Binatang
emerged again.

Next the tiger enclosure, the big cats were sprawled lazily on the grass
verge, in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh set of 
gloves and entered the enclosure.  "Here, kitty, kitty,kitty..."

Moments later, he emerged with several tupperware full of viscous 
fluid.

"Isn't it dangerous?" we asked.

Mr. Binatang was silent for a while.

"They know I'm not there as an enemy," he finally said, a glazed,
faraway look in his eyes.

Worked his way round the zoo, finished his rounds at 3 pm in the
afternoon. Carrying out his duties with the tapirs, the rhinoceros,
giraffe and the gorillas, amongst others.  "Each animal is different,"
he said, removing his gloves, now speckled with traces of polar bear
spunk.

"The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards. The elephant is
the most tricky because of the size of its thing... sometimes I have to
use both my arms to tug on it." "As you can expect it's really 
affecting my sex life.

I can't help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating
hippos keep floating through my mind."

How long will he stay difficult to know, but deputy assistant director
Lai Jee Seow thinks it is important to continue.

"It's because the animals have gotten too used to Binatang coming over
every morning to pull them off," said "Many of them now can't be
bothered to engage in real sex."

    This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line.

   Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
   currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without
   Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word perfect Customer Support
   employee:
   "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
   "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
   "What sort of trouble?"
   "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
   away."
   "Went away?"
   "They disappeared."
   "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
   "Nothing."
   "Nothing?"
   "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
   "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
   "How do I tell?"
   "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
   "What's a sea-prompt?"
   "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
   "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
   "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
   "What's a monitor?"
   "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
   have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
   "I don't know."
   "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
   cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
   "Yes, I think so."
   "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
   the wall."
   ".......Yes, it is."
   "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
   cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
   "No."
   "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
   other cable."
   ".......Okay, here it is."
   "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
   of your computer."
   "I can't reach."
   "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
   "No."
   "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
   "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's
   dark."
   "Dark?"
   "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
   from the window."
   "Well, turn on the office light then."
   "I can't."
   "No? Why not?"
   "Because there's a power outage."
   "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
   still have the boxes and manuals and packing suff your computer came
   in?"
   "Well, yes, I kee them in the closet."
   "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
   was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it
   from."
   "Really? Is it that bad?"
   "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
   "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
   "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."


  

Brian received a phone call:
  "HI, I'm phoning on behalf of the ????? Children's Workshop 
where we can help you with special offers, ....etc"
  I interrupted her and informed her that I didn't have any 
children.
  "Do you have any grandchildren???", she then asked.