The last time I dined with the King 
               He did quite a curious thing: 
                    He sat on a stool 
                    And took out his tool, 
               And said, "If I play, will you sing?" 

               There was a young man of the Tweed 
               Who sucked his wife's arse thro' a reed. 
                    When she had diarrhoea 
                    He'd let none come near, 
               For fear they should poach on his feed. 

A proper young person named Gissing 
            Announced he had given up kissing. 
                "I strike out at once 
                For something that counts, 
            And besides my girl's front teeth are missing." 

There once was a eunuch of Roylem, 
               Took two eggs to the cook and said, "Boil 'em. 
                    I'll sling 'em beneath 
                    My inadequate sheath, 
               And slip into the harem and foil 'em." 

There was a young sapphic named Anna 
            Who stuffed her friend's cunt with banana, 
                Which she sucked bit by bit 
                From her partner's warm slit, 
            In the most approved lesbian manner.