Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The 
second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the 
first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and 
trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second sees a girl holding 
her dog who has a pencil through his head. The third guy sees a guy 
laughing his head off. He asks, "Why are you laughing?" The guy says, "I 
was cooking on my BBQ when I farted..." "What's so funny about that?" "It 
blew my neighbor's house apart!"

Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.

Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!

Judi: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Judi: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast 
Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came 
in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore 
completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she 
remarked:
"I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their 
arms." 

Question: What is 1 + 2 ?

Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures,
you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions.

Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.

Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.

Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they
will pass their time in jail.
The first one pulls out a harmonica and says "I can play
all my favorite songs on this."
The second takes out a deck of cards. "I can play poker
with myself with these."
The third gets out a box of tampons. "Well, it says on here
that with these I can go swimming, horseback riding, cycling, ..."