Did you hear the latest theory about Monica Lewinsky?

It may never be proven but they think she may be the
youngest woman to have ever held the Presidency. 

The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there
came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away
at once, eyes wide with alarm.
"Heavens," she cried, "it's my husband! Quick, jump out the window."
The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window,
then demurred. "I can't," he said, "we're on the thirteenth floor."
"For heaven's sake," cried the young lady in exasperation,
"is this a time to be superstitious?" 

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?" The 
second guy says, "No." "A bald eagle just flew over head." "Oh." A couple 
of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?" "No." "There
was a black bear walking on that hill over there." "Oh." A few minutes 
later the second guy says, "Did you see that?" The second guy, getting 
aggravated, says, "Yes, I did!" The first guy then says, "Then why did you 
step in it?"

   The Hazards of Kicking the Cat
   There was a little boy with a bad attitude. He was at home one day
   doing his chores. He
   was feeding the chickens and he got mad and kicked one across the
   yard. He was feeding
   the hogs and got mad and kicked the hell out of one of them also. He
   was milking the cow
   and it kept hitting him in the face with its tail so he kicked it,
   too. His mom had been
   watching him and told him he couldn't have any chicken, beef, or pork
   for a month
   because he was a mean little bastard. She told him to wait 'til his
   dad got home. His dad
   came home and tripped over the pussy cat and he got mad and kicked
   that cat across the
   room. The little boy looked at his mom and said, "Are you going to
   tell him or am I?"
   

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream
on her face.
"Why do you do that, Mommy?"
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing
the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"